Every decade has its share of awful pop songs, but the 1970s was the decade that practically elevated this junk to an art form. The Me Decade was synonymous with trash-pop…not to mention disco. And that abomination known as Grease. Here we are referring, of course, to songs that are so atrocious, that the mere mention of their titles will cause a visceral reaction from anyone having even a shred of good taste.
Just for fun (and torture), we have compiled a list of a few really bad ones that come to mind. No doubt there are numerous “worst song list” sites out there, and the masochistic among us are free to Google some of those. We’ll pass, thank you.
Here are our nominations for Worst Songs of the 1970s (in no particular order):
Feelings - Morris Albert (Bad elevator music makes the charts.)
Having My Baby - Paul Anka (Labor pains set to music. Painful for us to listen, too.)
Last Song - Edward Bear (She left you because you sing like a wuss! Get over her.)
Muskrat Love - Captain & Tennille (Comparing love to a rodent is…well…too creepy for words.)
Torn Between Two Lovers - Mary MacGregor (Juggling multiple sex partners is just too much sometimes! Whatsa girl to do?)
Sometimes When We Touch - Dan Hill (So disgustingly maudlin and over-dramatic it’ll make you spew.)
Escape (The Pina Colada Song) - Rupert Holmes (Tacky personal ad rendezvous. Look for this loser on Craigslist.)
Playground In My Mind - Clint Holmes (Torment your over-40 co-workers: play this at the office and let the earworm invasion begin.)
Afternoon Delight - Starland Vocal Band (Skyrockets in flight! So metaphorical! So sleep-inducing!)
My Ding A Ling - Chuck Berry (His only #1 hit. Yep, this little ditty out-charted the likes of Maybelline and Johnny B. Goode. There is no god.)
You Light Up My Life - Debby Boone (Even her dad rocks out more.)
Please Mr. Postman - The Carpenters (If I had to sing this I’d become a retching bulemic too.)
Shannon - Henry Gross (Ex-Sha-Na-Na guitarist sings ode to a lost dog. Deep.)
The Candy Man - Sammy Davis, Jr. (Would you want this creepy guy performing at your six-year-old’s birthday party?)
Tie A Yellow Ribbon ‘Round The Old Oak Tree - Tony Orlando & Dawn (100 yellow ribbons for the guy who just got paroled–woo hoo!)
Alone Again (Naturally) - Gilbert O’ Sullivan (A three minute musical pity-party. Just jump off the damn bridge and be done with it already.)
It’s So Nice To Be With You - Gallery (The title alone should serve as a warning.)
The Morning After - Maureen McGovern (Awful dreck, this one should’ve sunk with the Poseidon.)
Loving You - Minnie Riperton (Is that shrill singing coming out of my speakers, or just the smoke detector going off?)
You Make Me Feel Like Dancing - Leo Sayer (The guy looks like Richard Simmons and sings in falsetto. ‘Nuff said.)
That’s our list (so far) and if we find ourselves in a devilish mood, we just might be tempted to add more. If you really want to do the right send-up of this crap, check out the Circle Jerks’ Golden Shower Of Hits. The way those songs ought to sound.