It’s that time of year again and all of us at Alligators In The Sewer would like to take this time to wish you all a fun Halloween.  It’s our happy time of the year, too.

Although the big day is still three-plus weeks away, Maynard the Phone Boy got us into the spirit today by bringing half an orange and black frosted sheet cake he pulled from the dumpster behind a nearby bakery. Even Norm, our cranky editor, joined in the celebration and stopped yelling long enough to shove a piece of  the cake into his face-hole. Then he washed it down with a lukewarm Budweiser, belched and stormed back into his office, yelling and slamming the door so hard our PC monitors rattled. Bug the Cat ran under the pop machine. We’re just overwhelmed with cheer around here.

In fact, Tina, one of our staff writers, commented today that she would gladly trade Christmas for a second Halloween. We couldn’t agree with her more, though a few fundietards out there might get their underwear in a bunch. One satanic holiday is more than those wingnuts can handle already.

Now, if you plan on being home on the 31st, don’t be a Scrooge. Give the kids the good stuff.  Passing off a piece or two of cheap, penny hard candy is more than certain to result in your house getting egged, your trees covered in toilet paper, or your pumpkins smashed. This wonderful holiday comes but once a year, so don’t be such a dickwad. Go to Costco, pick up a carton of decent candy bars and reward the little neighborhood ghouls for not already vandalizing your house this year.  Believe us when we say it, it’s cheap insurance to keep those little urchins happy.

Which leads us to a digression. Why on earth do they call those tiny candy bars “Fun Size”? Talk about bogus branding! What the bloody hell is “fun” about a puny, half-ounce candy bar the size of your pinky? Give us a quarter-pound slab of chocolate with lots of nuts…THAT would be a fun size. Someone call M&M/Mars right now and tell their marketing department they have it all wrong.