Tina, our resident bookkeeper/payroll/human resources/office manager at Alligators in the Sewer, took a few days off last month to attend her cousin’s wedding in Nebraska. Norm usually doesn’t give us lowly staffers much time off. In fact, getting an approved weekday or two off from this place has about the same statistical likelihood as spotting a sober attendee at Ozzfest. But Norm made a special concession in Tina’s case — on the condition she bring back lots of good wedding photos of her…uh…country cousin.

Here is her accounting of the event, told in the usual third person narrative typical of an AITS shaggy dog tale. This is Tina’s story and she’s sticking with it.

The next day Tina and her sister packed their bags and, map in hand and a cooler of Busch beer in the trunk, set off driving toward the land of corn.  It was a tedious eight hour drive across the desolate hill country of mid-America.

Somewhere just past Omaha, Tina spotted a sign (left) of what was to come, which was immediately followed by the pavement ending.  “Redneck Wedding ahead.” Tina and her sister knew that a very special event lay just ahead. Their little hearts were pounding with anticipation. Another half mile and a quick turn led them to a small roadside county park where Tina’s cousin Cletus and his blushing bride-to-be, Liza Jane, were waiting (right). Since Liza Jane was about seven months pregnant (not that anyone could tell), their holy-roller church minister refused to allow them a church wedding. Hence the civil ceremony in the rural park.

Liza Jane’s relatives were all there (left), posing for the photographer (Cletus’s favorite drinking buddy equipped with his point-and-shoot digital). Suitably refreshed after a few hours on the sauce, they were carrying on about the upcoming Huskers season, and how the wedding punch could sure use another quart or two of vodka. A happy, gregarious bunch.

A card table set up under a big shade tree displayed the fine wedding cake Cletus and Liza Jane had concocted with 20 bucks spent at Wal-Mart (right). After the ceremony, everyone was invited to step up for cake, which conveniently required no cutting - with 4 varieties to choose from!

A barbecue pit was set up nearby over an open fire (left), and wedding guests were lining up to roast whatever they brought for dinner. Potluck, Nebraska style. There were a few unidentifiable meat-like items added to the “mixed grill” event, leading some to speculate what unlucky animals were run over by guests on the way to the wedding that day.

After the weenie roast in the park, everyone was invited over for a short reception and social at the bride’s parents’ place (right) in the nearby town of Broken Arrow.

No wedding reception is complete without proper entertainment, and Cletus & Liza Jane didn’t let the people down. Dance music was provided by local polka favorites, The Velvet Underdogs (left), who put on quite a show in the back yard.

When the dance wound down and the band packed up to leave, a limo picked up the happy bride and groom, and whisked them away, stopping occasionally for more beer (right). Somewhere along the way, the limo broke down, and the newlyweds had to hitchhike into town in the back of a passing farm trailer. But that couple didn’t sweat the small stuff.

Their bridal suite awaited them, at the only one-star hotel in Broken Arrow, the Truck Topper Inn and Resort (left).

The next day, the happy couple jumped in their car, one of their wedding gifts in tow, and drove off for their honeymoon in the picturesque Nebraska Sandhills.

Tina and her sister arrived back in town the next day, with lots of stories of good times and lots of photos. Nothing like a road trip to help get it all out of your system!