Demonstrating that people’s bodies can be green too, a Beverly Hills cosmetic surgeon is actually doing something for the environment. Dr. Alan Bittner performs a lot of liposuction operations on his plump patients - so many in fact that he is able to save the removed fatty material and use it as a biofuel for his car. While Bittner won’t disclose how he converts the human fat into fuel (and we probably don’t want to know anyway), suffice it to say that he is now able to run his BMW E60 sedan entirely without fossil fuel.

In a promotion called “Biodiesel is People!,” the good doctor has encouraged so many overweight patients to come in for lipo operations that he must now store the “lipofuel” in a 500 gallon above-ground tank behind the doctor’s office.

Bittner wonders why more cosmetic surgeons don’t do the same.

“Lipofuel could be a good thing for the country,” said Bittner. “If every obese American went in for lipo treatment, we would have a trimmer, more healthy population, and we would become less dependent on foreign oil. No need for more oil drilling. We should be drilling into some the world’s fatties instead.”

“Just the other day, two really large women came in for treatment,” added the doctor. “From that procedure alone I was able to drive up to Santa Maria to visit my sister. I still had a quarter tank when I got back home. The tailpipe emissions from lipofuel are minimal, giving off mostly water vapor, carbon dioxide and a faint odor somewhat reminiscent of pork rinds.”

But Bittner’s medical practice isn’t without its critics.

“That is soooo incredibly gross,” said Dr. Michael Brunsz, ethics spokesman for the California Medical Association. “I mean, running your car on human body fat…ewwww! But as far as we can tell, no laws are being broken here.”

Bittner isn’t swayed by his critics.

“It’s not like we’re being morbid, selling body parts or something,” argued the plastic surgeon. “The fatty substance we suck out of people is just ordinary medical waste that we otherwise dispose of in an incinerator…hey, wait a minute, I just thought of something…I…I could heat this place with it too!  Hot damn! The uses of lipofuel are endless!”