The best New Year’s resolution may be to just have none at all. That’s the wisdom for the upcoming New Year, according to 66-year-old Louis Krause of Flagstaff, Arizona.

“I can never live up to anyone else’s expectations, much less my own,” said Krause, in resignation. “I mean. what’s the point? I make a resolution to start doing things differently, and by February, I fuck that up somehow. I never follow through, so why bother?”

“That old fool will never change, no matter how much I get on his case,” said Lydia, Louis’ wife of 45 years. ”A few years back, he said he’d quit smoking. That lasted all of, what, two weeks? Look at him now, still firin’ up like a chimney. Last year he promised to get along better with people. But he still throws rocks at the traffic on our street and yells at those damn kids to stay the hell off our lawn. And for that, our house gets pelted with eggs and covered in toilet paper every Halloween, but does he care?”

“I decided I like my way of livin’ - why change it?,” added Louis. “If nobody else likes who I am, screw ‘em! This year, it’s gonna be different…I’m gonna stay the same. I’m keeping all my bad habits and I’ll continue to irritate everybody around me. How’s that for consistency? What’s the point of living if you don’t get the cops called on you once in a while? Now get off my goddamn property, ya’ little bastards!”