A New York doctor embroiled in a bitter divorce dispute has demanded that his soon-to-be-ex-wife give back the kidney that the doc had so generously given her eight years ago. Dr. Richard Batista, a surgeon at a Nassau University Medical Center, claims ownership of the donated organ, and wants it returned as a condition of his pending divorce agreement.

“It’s not marital property,” asserted Batista. “It was just a temporary loaner to hold her over until a different donor came along. That’s my own kidney in there, the bitch has it and I want it back. Parts is parts.”

When asked why he insists on getting the organ back when he can live just fine with his one remaining kidney, Batista responded, “I want to give it to my girlfriend. I seem to have an attraction for women in renal failure, and she happens to be a six-point match.”

The acrimonious Batista offered little compassion over the specter of his ex being once again without a functioning kidney.

“They’ve got dialysis machines for that,” added the unsympathetic doctor. “She can piss through a garden hose for all I care. I want my fuckin’ kidney back. Hell, I’m about half tempted to sneak over to her place some night and dig it out myself. I’m a surgeon after all. Just give me a tranquilizer, scalpel, roll of gauze and a bathtub full of ice.”