Just a day after Barack Obama’s historic inauguration as the 44th President of the United States, he and his family moved in to the White House, only to discover to their horror the state of neglect and decay that awaited them.

The President’s youngest daughter, Sasha, ventured into the cellar and made a horrifying discovery.

“Eeeeeeek! There’s creepy things crawling around in here!”

The first family discovered huge colonies of termites and ants, which infested the lower levels of the White House, even causing some of the walls to crumble.

Incoming White House staff maintenance engineer, Vince Souza, has his work cut out.

“The place is OK structurally, but there’s substantial damage and it needs a lot of drywall,” said Souza. “We’ve been running constantly trying to keep up with the deterioration, but we seem to be losing this battle. The exterminators have taken out most of the colonies, but a few still remain. There’s also a significant amount of mold and mildew in there.”

The White House had fallen victim to eight years of abuse and neglect. Bugs are not the only problem, as the Obamas made some other shocking revelations: missing household items.

“All the towels are gone!,” exclaimed Michelle Obama. “Not a single bath towel, washcloth or dishrag to be found anywhere. Can you believe that? We sent out a staffer to Ikea to pick up a few things to tide us over.”

Some of the White House china and silverware are also missing, believed to have been plundered by guests over the past several years. Yet, one White House staffer is not at all surprised.

“Every president had his quirks in this place,” said Barbara Monson, longtime Director of Services for the White House. “Reagan kept leaving stuff all over the place and forgetting where it was. Clinton left various undergarments strewn about on the floors. Nixon had closed-circuit cameras installed - you can still see some of the wires running along the walls. But Bush…every time he had his high-rolling buddies over here, things would turn up missing. Those people pillaged this place.”

Obama’s Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel was incensed.

“What kind of white-trash hillbillies did we have running around in this place?,” fumed Emanuel. “Bastard even left an upper-decker in the Oval Office shitter on his way out! It goes without saying that George W. Bush is not getting his deposit back!”

“There has been no accountability here the last eight years,” added the First Lady. “But change is going to come to this house, mark my words.”