An Arlington, Texas, woman found a wallet containing over 600 dollars cash lying in a nightclub parking lot yesterday evening. After counting the cash and pausing a few seconds to consider the possibilities, she discreetly tucked the bills into her back pocket, looked around and tossed the wallet in a nearby trash bin.

“Every time I read one of those fluff pieces in the news where some good samaritan finds money and returns it, I just wanna hurl,” said Teresa Diaz, 28, as she walked toward her Lexus SUV. “I’m sick of hearing about all these goody two-shoes. I mean, really! What sort of retard hands back that kind of money? In this economy?”

“Maybe it’s not the ‘right’ thing,” Diaz continued. “But I’ve got bills to pay, and if you’re stupid enough to carry around that kind of cash and lose it, well too bad for you. Finders keepers. I still have a $4000 balance due for the boob job I got last year. Who’s gonna help pay for that, the friggin’ tooth fairy?”

A recent test showed that 74 of 100 people who found a wallet would return it.

“I guess I’d be one of the 26 ‘bad’ ones,” said Diaz, trying in vain to hold back a grin. “At least I can find comfort in knowing I’m not alone in that.”