A California ballot measure decriminalizing and taxing marijuana would generate a billion or more for the state, according to the bill’s proponents. If passed, AB 390 (why they didn’t name the bill “420″ is beyond us) would allow residents to grow and possess their own weed, with the state grabbing $50 per ounce of the yields. No word yet if Michael Phelps will be on board to throw his support behind the bill, though Tommy Chong has offered to do testimonials.

NASA crash-lands rocket carrying new global warming detection satellite minutes after the rocket plowed through a flock of geese shortly after takeoff. After its collision with the migratory birds, the rocket then went into an unstable corkscrew-like trajectory, which prompted Mission Control to ditch the doomed craft in Antarctica. In a cruel twist (pun intended) the ensuing crash wiped out an entire flock of emperor penguins basking on an Antarctic ice shelf. The impact also broke loose a 28 square-mile section of shelf ice believed to be weakened due to - you guessed it - global warming. The irony is so thick we can cut it.

This week’s edition of NFTS was compiled by Maynard the Phone Boy, with a little editorial and spellchecking help from Norm. Maynard almost peed all over himself in excitement when finally asked to assemble his very first AITS article. Nicely played, Maynard.