A deadly Brazilian Wandering Spider was found in a bunch of bananas at a Whole Foods store in Tulsa. Considered one of the world’s most venomous spiders (only the Borneo Barking Spider is more deadly), the pesky critter was caught by a store employee before it had the opportunity to demonstrate its toxic capabilities. The venom of this arachnid is usually fatal, but it has the unique side-effect of causing massive erections in male victims, making E.R. diagnoses much easier. (We know what you’re thinking…stick with the little blue pills, OK?) The downside is that the antidote is usually not stocked in the U.S., and certainly not in Oklahoma. But at least a fella can die happy.

Scientists have developed a laser mosquito-zapper. The laser bug-killers were developed at Lawrence Livermore Laboratories as a weapon to help combat the spread of malaria. But it will only be a matter of time before they show up at your local Wal-Mart. We can’t wait to start seeing these devices hanging from the porches of yokels everywhere. (Warning: do not look at laser with remaining eye.)

More animal news: A bat stows away on space shuttle flight. A large brown fruit bat was seen hanging upside down on the side of the spacecraft before its launch Wednesday. Then moments before the astronauts closed the pod-bay doors, the errant bat flew inside the shuttle cabin, remaining unnoticed until the craft reached orbit. The stowaway bat, dubbed “Vince,” became a minor celebrity as the giddy shuttle crew spent several hours observing the bat’s flight behavior in zero-gravity. The crew expects to return to earth with Vince unharmed, much to the relief of animal-rights groups everywhere.

This week’s edition of NFTS was compiled by Norm, with no excuses offered for the content therein. As usual, you’re on your own.