May, 2009 Archive
May 30th, 2009 by admin in Uncategorized
The producers of the immensely popular series “Lost” have a bonus for its final season next year. It is widely believed that they plan to incorporate some or all of the surviving cast members of the 1960s comedy “Gilligan’s Island” into one or more episodes. The Gilligan’s Island linkup would provide some much-needed comic relief to the intense adventure/drama.
Rumor has it that Tina Louise and Dawn Wells, who played Ginger and Maryann, respectively, have been offered contracts to appear on the series when it resumes next season. No word yet if Russell Johnson’s character, the “Professor,” will also be reprised in the episodes, though some insiders believe his character could be helpful with various plot devices like time machines, electromagnetism, nuclear weapons, etc.
News leaked from inside sources point to the possibility that Ginger and Maryann could be rescued through a 1960s time warp and perhaps even become love interests of some of the “Lost” characters. The first episode involving the cast, given the working title “A Three Hour Tour,” is expected to be aired some time in February 2010.
May 28th, 2009 by admin in Uncategorized
In a sudden and unexpected move, the National Association of Broadcasters (NAB) is lobbying the Obama administration to further delay the digital television changeover, which is currently scheduled to take effect June 12.
In a press release handed down this morning, NAB chief executive Dennis J. Rohr is asking the President to “strongly consider” moving the DTV migration date to October of this year. Rohr cited a number of reasons for the further delay, not the least of which being the fact that, in his words, television in the summer is usually a “barren wasteland of banality,” and that “no one will give a rat’s ass in June what is happening to their TVs when they would rather be outside enjoying summer.”
Rohr asserts that millions of people will simply let the June 12 deadline pass and suddenly find themselves without indoor entertainment once football season and the new fall television lineup begins. The effect on ratings could be devastating.
“We would prefer an October cutover date, as people will be entrenched in NFL and the new shows,” added Rohr. “Let them return to their TV addiction in the fall, and then we’ll set the hook. They won’t have any choice then, he he.”
No word from the President as to whether he will consider the move, though sources in the White House say it would be a long shot, at best, as it would also require Congressional approval.
May 26th, 2009 by admin in Uncategorized
Mexican health authorities have now lifted the H1N1 flu restrictions on Mexico City.
We now return the country to its regularly scheduled programming of earthquakes, poverty, drug-gang killings, corrupt police and government officials, etc…
May 24th, 2009 by admin in Uncategorized
We’d like to turn you on to an amazingly funny blog we just discovered - The Plaid Crew. Humor and satire directed at just about anything in our popular culture. Plenty of well-placed shots fired across the bow of current events, culture, politics, and lots of hilarious takes on some of the nutty shit going on in the entertainment world. It’s become a new favorite with the staff here at Alligators In the Sewer, and has been added to our desktop RSS feeds. News at the speed of news. Check it out!
May 23rd, 2009 by admin in Uncategorized
More than four months after Barack Obama had taken office, White House staffers made a shocking discovery last week: that former Vice President Dick Cheney has remained in the White House, quietly living in the basement the whole time. The staffers stumbled upon the ex-V.P.’s secret hideaway one afternoon while setting mousetraps in the cellar.
The former veep was not in his ersatz basement abode at the time of the discovery, but was subjected to intense grilling by Secret Service agents later that day when he tried to return through the cellar door that he had propped open with a brick.
Apparently, Mr. Cheney had set up camp in a small tent in a corner of the basement, with little more amenities than a cot, field latrine, camp stove, portable defibrillator, and a WiFi-enabled laptop. Cheney lived primarily off MREs and bottled water, though he occasionally had pizzas covertly delivered through the back door.
“This place is a mess,” commented an unnamed Secret Service agent. “It looks like a freakin’ college dorm room down here, with pizza boxes and bottles strewn all over the place. It’s amazing that someone could live in this squalor!”
When asked how he evaded Secret Service protection for so long, the former V.P. quipped, “I didn’t get into the position I have…err…had…without knowing how to pull a few tricks of my own. I suppose I really have to leave now.”
Cheney maintained that he hid out in the White House cellar “just to keep an eye on things.”
President Obama gave a brief comment on the matter.
“Get him the hell outta my house,” exclaimed the President. “And do something about those goddamned mice while you’re at it!”
May 17th, 2009 by admin in Uncategorized
It was a nice spring day - a Saturday - and all of us at AITS were trying to get some work done, so that maybe, just maybe, we might get out in time to enjoy some of it before the sun sets. We had some catching up to do at AITS headquarters after being furloughed for a month and a half, and Maynard’s presence wasn’t helping much. Actually, Maynard’s presence wasn’t helping at all. We wanted - needed - Maynard to get the fuck out of our hair, so Norm told him to take the afternoon off. Go fishing or something. No equipment? No problem. Norm gave him an old curtain rod, ten feet of twine and some paper clips.
Go dig up some worms and check out the drainage pond next to the freeway onramp - we heard it’s stocked, he he.
Late that afternoon, Maynard returned with that grinning, just-humped-the-neighbor’s-cat look on his face. Damned if he didn’t catch some fish, though we couldn’t determine just what mutant species they were. Bastard had a 5-gallon bucket full of some of the most ugly-ass fish we had ever seen. Maynard headed around the back of the AITS building with his bucket and a pocket knife. His dinner awaited, and though he kindly offered up some of his catch to the rest of us, we wanted nothing to do with it.
It’s all yours, Maynard. Bon appetit.
Big mistake: letting Maynard clean the damn things on the back steps. This is what we saw out back as we were leaving that night:
May 14th, 2009 by admin in Uncategorized
Once one of the hottest fads of the 1970s, CB (citizen’s band) radio is all but extinct today. According to the Federal Communications Commission, there are only two licensed CB radio operators left in the U.S., and they’re living on opposite coasts.
Roger Pickett, of Kennesaw, GA, and Anthony Valletti, of Huntington Beach, CA, are both retired truck drivers and still CB addicts to this day. And who do they talk to on the airwaves? Each other, of course. Trouble is, they live 3000 miles apart, well beyond the typical 10 mile range of their radio transmitters.
“We’re a dyin’ breed, said Pickett. “There’s just the two of us and we’re at opposite ends of the country, so we can only chatter on the radio when one of us is close to the other. Oh, once in a while, when the sunspots are just right, we can get some skip and talk from long distance, but that doesn’t happen much.”
The lack of activity on the airwaves doesn’t faze Valletti.
“I just leave the damn thing on, 24/7, ‘cuz you never know,” says Valletti. “Nothing but static, with the occasional kid’s walkie-talkie crackling in there. But when Roger rolls into town, I hear that familiar call and my heart starts to race: ‘breaker breaker, good buddy!’ Who else could it be, right?”
The infrequent contact with the CB radios doesn’t hamper their friendship, and the two have no plans to upgrade their gear.
“Oh, we kicked around the idea of going ham,” said Pickett. “We could jaw on the radio from anywhere in the world. But you have to get licenses and all new equipment and antennas and stuff. Besides, neither of us wanted to turn into one of those ham geeks. We like the common man’s CB radio lifestyle. And we have the bandwidth to ourselves - all 40 channels! It’s amazing the government hasn’t grabbed up those frequencies for something else.”
Valletti and Pickett plan to meet half way a couple times a year, driving their RVs to places like the Ozarks or Texas.
“We’ll have our radios on and see who catches the other one first,” said Pickett. “Playing tag on the highways - it’ll be like old times.”
May 12th, 2009 by admin in Uncategorized
We’re always looking for new things to ingest at AITS headquarters, and Norm recently turned us all on to the magic of Absinthe. Banned in the U.S. and much of Europe for nearly a century - based on false pretenses - the delicious, magic liquid is once again legal and picking up in popularity. We have found a source for our newly-discovered end-of-day relaxation aid. Check these guys out for a bottle of green goodness.