The U.S. Library of Congress is embarking on a document translation project of epic proportions: to translate its entire archives into Pig Latin. The Library, with a federal stimulus grant of 26 million dollars, hopes to have its entire collection transcribed into the language by 2015, but is in dire need of linguists to help in the monumental task.

With unemployment inching toward ten percent, that’s good news for job-hunters. The pay is excellent: starting salaries run upwards of $55,000 a year with full government benefits. The problem is trying to find enough qualified applicants.

“This would be a wonderful opportunity for recent college grads,” said James H. Billington, chief librarian and head book-stacker. “Unfortunately, Pig Latin is a dying language, and it’s only taught at a handful of universities in the country. The University of Kansas and DePaul still offer majors in the language, and maybe a dozen or so Catholic schools offer coursework. It’s tough finding qualified Pig Latin speakers. If we can get our hands on a couple hundred sharp new hires, we hope to translate the entire body of works in our archives before this beautiful language becomes extinct.”

The ambitious project will cover every piece of writing the Library houses - from literature to pop art, from  sheet music to government documents.

Have you ever seen the Declaration of Independence in Pig Latin?,” added Billington. “Have you ever heard it being read aloud? It’s almost like poetry. It’s quite an enchanted tongue, really…the words just flow. It’s a real shame more people don’t embrace it. We’re even translating the King James Bible to Pig Latin!”

The Library of Congress will be conducting on-campus interviews at colleges and universities across the nation in the hopes of finding some decent candidates. Interested individuals can also fill out an online application at the Library of Congress site.

Meanwhile, the Library is seeking additional stimulus funds for a project to convert the entire poetry archives to haiku.