A cat “earned” a high school diploma over the Internet, though he wasn’t really trying. The cat, named Oreo, inadvertently logged onto the Jefferson High School Online website when he walked across his owner’s computer keyboard while the guy was AFK to grab a beer. Upon discovering this, the cat’s owner, Kelvin Collins, thought it would be fun to let Oreo paw at the keyboard through the online quiz, which resulted in the cat obtaining a passing score of 72 percent. Collins paid the $200 “registration fee” with his credit card and the cat received a nice diploma to hang on the wall. (See kids, that whole high school graduation thing isn’t so tough after all.) Collins celebrated the occasion by slapping a “My Cat Can Beat Up Your Honor Student” sticker on his car’s bumper.

Bored rednecks drive their old cars into a gravel pit in Wisconsin. The so-called “Crash For Clunkers” event drew over 300 contestants, each of whom set a brick on their vehicle’s accelerator pedal, put the car in gear, tossed in a lighted stick of dynamite and watched it speed over the edge of a 100-foot cliff into the quarry to detonate on impact, much to the amusement of the thousands of cheering, intoxicated spectators. When asked why, event organizer Mark Hubbard set down his beer, let out a belch and said, “we just don’t get to see much stuff get blowed up (sic) around here.”

Fox News amazes us all with their international prowess when they display a map of the Middle East on one of their news segments, showing Egypt as being in the location of Iraq. But then why would Fox worry about the difference between Iraq and Egypt, as everything and everyone over there looks the same to them anyway?

This week’s edition of NFTS was compiled by Gordy, proving to the world once again that a frontal lobotomy is no obstacle to writing this sort of garbage.