A Connecticut man has posted an ad on Craigslist in an attempt to sell off his parents. Michael Amatrudo decided to place the ad when he needed cigarettes and realized that his checking account balance was near zero.

“I was playing World of Warcraft and having a nic-fit…I needed to grab a little quick cash,” said  the 42-year-old Amatrudo, from his room in his parents’ basement. “I thought: ‘why not sell off the old folks upstairs?’ I wasn’t going to get rid of them for long, maybe just let the buyer keep ‘em for a couple days, as I need them back to do my laundry.”

Amatrudo posted the ad, asking for $5.50 (the local price of a pack of Camels), or best offer.

Unfortunately, there were no offers at all, though one person responded with advice that Amatrudo re-post the ad in the “Free” section as a “curb alert.” Another respondent suggested that including better pictures of the couple might help.

Meanwhile, Amatrudo was getting antsy.

“I was able to scrounge some quarters from Dad’s bottom desk drawer and get a pack of generics from the CVS down the street,” added Amatrudo. “But I’m still running ads, as I’ll be out of smokes again by the end of the day. I have to be hopeful.”

Amatrudo is even considering a possible trade, looking for a “newer model, a hot blonde under 40, or an Erector Set.” (Is there really a difference between the two? — ed.)

Repeated calls to Amatrudo’s parents have not been returned.