Norm, our editor at Alligators In The Sewer, has a dream. We know this because he constantly reminds us about it. He wants to do an “around the world” beer tour, but not the lame kind found in half the pubs in America. Norm wants to actually travel around the world to drink a beer brewed in each of the 24 time zones. And Norm isn’t terribly picky about his beer. He couldn’t care less whether it’s a fine craft beer or some mass-produced swill. He’ll even drink it warm, which might prove helpful as he tours pubs in some of those backwater republics.
The bad news of all this, of course: the trip will cost a fortune - in the tens of thousands. (Keep buying lottery tickets, Norm.) The good news: it would get Norm out of our hair for a few months, and maybe we will really be lucky and he’ll get abducted by insurgents somewhere. Perhaps we should have a fundraiser and help get this thing off the ground. Pass the hat…
…Oh, shit, who are we kidding? We all want to go along on this trip, and are willing to put up with Norm’s idiotic behavior. And so we shall…while Norm gets a second mortgage on his house.
Norm starts our tour in his home town of St. Louis before heading east. The home of Anheuser Busch, makers of Norm’s favorite brew Budweiser, the Gateway City provides a fitting sendoff for our hoppy adventure. This is our itinerary. And don’t get Norm started on the subject of daylight savings time. That just confuses the shit out of him.
Here we go…
(GMT-6:00) Saint Louis, MO. Anheuser Busch. They give really cool tours. And let you sample the beer.
(GMT-5:00) Boston, MA. Settled by hordes of hard-drinking English and Irish, Boston is the logical choice for beer enjoyment in the Eastern Time Zone. And what better source of Boston beer, than, say, the Boston Beer Co., makers of Samuel Adams?
(GMT-4:00) Halifax, Nova Scotia. So far, so good. Gotta love these anglophilic cities with their wide array of taverns and brewpubs. Lots to choose from here, but Rogues Roost Ale Pub sounds intriguing.
(GMT-3:00) One would think the next logical stop eastward would be Greenland, which is 3 hours behind Greenwich time. It’s just a hop from Halifax. But the sparse population, harsh climate and the specter of drinking something that might have come from whale blubber means the Norm beer tour would be better advised to head south. Way south. To South America. Plenty of drinking opportunities in Rio. How about Gattopardo Cervejaria for Brazilian drinking fun? The rest of us at AITS are really glad we came along.
(GMT-2:00) South Georgia and South Sandwich Islands? Those wind-swept hunks of rock have their own bloody time zone! Do sheep drink beer? Do penguins? I think we’ll have to skip this one, as the chance of finding beer there is a little bit south of “no way.”
(GMT-1:00) We hear there’s a nice microbrewery in the Azores, called Fabrica de Cervejas e Refrigerantes Joao Melo Abreu Lda. But we can’t be sure. Finding out first-hand is reason enough to visit those friendly, sunny islands.
(GMT) OK, we have Great Britain and Ireland to choose from along the Prime Meridian, and this is going to be a tough decision, what with the vast selection of outstanding ales from which to choose. Let’s go with a fresh pint of Smithwick’s, served up in a pub in Kilkenny. In the interest of safety, keep Norm away from the darts.
(GMT+1:00) Germany is arguably THE place for beer in continental Europe (though the Czechs may beg to differ). How ’bout a Bavarian Hofbrau in Munich, served up Ein Mass (1 liter mug) by some busty beer wench? We may never want to leave.
(GMT+2:00) We’re off to Helsinki, to quaff down some craft beer at Downtown Brewery, Ltd.
(GMT+3:00) Three hours east of Greenwich time finds us in Moscow, a city that knows how to drink. Cripes, the whole damn country knows how to drink. While better known for Stoli Vodka, we’re here for good Russian beer. Efes Moscow Brewery seems like a fine place to land for some Russky brewsky.
(GMT+4:00) Georgia on my mind…and not the one you think. We’ve made it to the Republic of Georgia to check out Natakhtari Brewery, in Natakhtari village. It’s the middle of nowhere, but what do we care?
(GMT+5:00) Off to Tashkent, Uzbekistan. Smart travelers tend to avoid countries that end in “stan,” but the lure of beer in out-of-the-way places is too much for us mere mortals to resist. We find ourselves at the oddly-named (for Uzbekistan) Schloss-Brau brewpub. Complete with pay toilets. Doubtful this will show up in the Michelin Guide any time soon. Pass the Imodium.
(GMT+5:30) Bonus time zone! Yes, India decided to wedge itself midway between GMT+5 and +6, which makes us all really happy. An extra stop on the tour to the home of India Pale Ale is therefore warranted. This makes up for the GMT-2 zone that turned up empty.
We fly to Bangalore, home of call centers and bad tech support. Let’s see where the local phone drones go to drown out their troubles. We had a cold Kingfisher beer, produced by Indian conglomerate United Breweries. We didn’t have the heart to tell Norm that you can buy that brand in U.S. liquor stores. Still, it tasted good in that 100-plus degree heat.
(GMT+5:45) Woo Hoo! Another bonus time zone! Nepal has split the hairs even further, putting itself 5-3/4 hours ahead of Greenwich time. Another beer stop in a mountain village near Kathmandu. Beer drinking at high altitudes…this could be fun. If we couldn’t figure out how to set our watches before, we sure won’t now, getting juiced at 12,000 feet. We find a pub serving beer from Mt. Everest Brewery. The pinnacle of drinking satisfaction.
(GMT+6:00) We now venture north to Kazakhstan, home of Borat and AO Rosa Brewing We try a pint of Pavlodarskoe Originalnoe. Then we get the hell out.
(GMT+6:30) Burma (Myanmar). This troublesome little country comprises another half time zone. But we can’t get in there, and frankly, don’t want to. We might not be able to get out. Move along…nothing to see here. It’s a “half” time zone anyway, so we didn’t miss an hour zone this time.
(GMT+7:00) One night in Bangkok. The Airport Brewhouse is conveniently located in…the airport. We don’t even have to clear customs. We spent 30 minutes pouring a La Lunar Head Butt Strong Ale down our necks and boarded our next flight to…
(GMT+8:00, 8:45, 9:00, 9:30, 10:00) …Australia! Home of Foster’s oil cans. We rented a Range Rover and drove across Oz on a multi-timezone beer trek, leaving a trail of beer cans and brain cells from Perth to Sydney.
(GMT+11:00) The island nation and tax-haven of Vanuatu welcomes us for our next “happy hour.” Vanuatu Brewing was our destination there, for their tasty Southern Cross Stout.
(GMT+12:00) New Zealand. The kiwis know how to drink, and so we take them up on their hospitality for a night of sampling some Cock and Bull Dirty Blonde Belgian Wit.
(GMT-12:00) OK, this one’s another wash, being that it covers Baker and Howland Islands. Drinkin’ Dharma beer on Lost Island was not part of our plan.
(GMT-11:00) Western Samoa beckons, as we seek out Samoa beer. Samoa Breweries didn’t disappoint, as we were thirsty and cranky from our long flight and enjoyed our Vailima Special Export Lager.
(GMT-10:00) We then head to Honolulu for some Hawaiian swill. We found our spot: a place called Sam Choy’s Breakfast, Lunch & Crab. As the name implies, you can eat and drink all day long here. And we did, trying out the Big Aloha James Cook IPA and eating oysters on the half-shell.
(GMT-9:30) Of course, when another bonus half time zone presents itself, we are obligated to take advantage of it. Especially when it’s in the neighborhood, as in this case, French Polynesia (Tahiti). Actually, it’s a few thousand miles, but what do we care, as long as there’s beer on the flight. Les 3 Brasseurs was the place to fill us up with tasty amber lager.
(GMT-9:00) Time to put away the beach attire and head north to Alaska. The Midnight Sun Brewing Company in Anchorage hit the spot with their Berserker Imperial Stout.
(GMT-8:00) Down the coast we go to Vancouver, BC, home of Steamworks Brewing Company, and a pint of Steamworks NXNW IPA.
(GMT-7:00) The last segment of our tour takes us to Colorado, for a tasting at the Breckenridge Brewery & Pub, and a glass of 471 Small Batch IPA. We also picked up a growler to go for the trip back home.
In all, not a bad trip. We have multi-national hangovers and passports filled with stamps. We missed a couple of time zones, but also gained a few “in between” zones, making our 28-stop global trek bountiful.
