Wisconsin Tourism Federation (WTF) decides to change its name after too many people confused the organization’s initials with a common slang expression. (For those of you who may have just emerged from a long coma, WTF means “What The Fuck?” in Internet parlance.) The organization’s new moniker, Tourism Federation of Wisconsin (TFW), has been deemed much less controversial, though it may still evoke giggles among dyslexics. Upon hearing the news of this, tourism officials in Wyoming were ecstatic over the chance to adopt the newly available trademark, noting that in their state “nobody gets too uptight over cussing anyway.”
Discussion among oil-producing nations of replacing the US dollar with another currency has created some controversy this past week. While the Saudis and Kuwaitis have denied that such a change is in the works, some nations, most notably China, have pushed for a new currency to peg oil prices. Meanwhile, Norway, France and Canada have suggested that importing nations trade for oil with beaver pelts.
Rush Limbaugh is in negotiations to purchase the St. Louis Rams football franchise. If the deal goes through, the conservative talk show host’s next move is to change the name of the Edward Jones Dome to the Oxycontin Bowl, with Limbaugh pointing out that the stadium does sort of resemble a giant pill.
NASA downgrades probability of 2036 asteroid collision. After doing some recalculations, astronomers have determined that the hulking, 16 mile diameter asteroid Apophis has a mere 1-in-250,000 chance of slamming into earth, causing a global catastrophe on April 13, 2036, not the 1-in-45,000 chance previously thought. The bad news is that the space rock now has a 79% probability of directly impacting the moon, the searing fragments of which will likely rain down on earth like the fist of an angry god. Everybody panic!
GM has sold off its Hummer division to a Chinese manufacturer. Representatives of Sichuan Tengzhong Industrial Machinery (STIM) Corp. have confirmed the sale, estimated at just under a half billion dollars. STIM will move the headquarters and manufacturing to a location near Chengdu in Sichuan Province, China. However, there will be no net loss of U.S. jobs in the transition as Hummer’s Indiana and Michigan facilities have been shuttered since 2008, due to lack of sales. Chinese officials are hopeful that the gas-guzzling Hummers will become popular with men of small stature, which the country seems to have no shortage of.
This week’s edition of NFTS was compiled by Tina, who finds great delight in slapping Gordy upside the head whenever he babbles too much.
