Despite it being a national holiday in the U.S., Columbus Day seems to have fallen off the radar screens of private employers, with only one remaining holdout still observing it: the Knights of Columbus. What was once an automatic day off for workers everywhere in the country, the day celebrating the anniversary of Christopher Columbus’ discovery of the New World has now been relegated to just another holiday for government employees. With the exception of the K of C, non-government employers just do not observe the day anymore.

“Nobody seems to care about it these days,” lamented Cardinal Joseph Barringer. “In fourteen ninety two, Christopher Columbus sailed the ocean blue…sadly, school kids will no longer learn this because their parents won’t be home to help celebrate it. This is just another sign of the continued moral decay of our society!”

U.S. labor statistics show the decline: over 80 percent of private-sector employers gave workers the day off in 1970, when Columbus Day first became a federal holiday. The number dropped to less than 30 percent in 1990, and dwindled to about 4 percent in 2000.

“Geez, I didn’t think anybody outside of government did Columbus Day anymore,” said official with the U.S. Department of Labor. “The Knights of Columbus is hanging on to that holiday for dear life, and I have to give ‘em credit for their tenacity. Not many companies can afford to pay for every damn holiday that comes along.”