A South Carolina golfer was attacked by an alligator while leaning over to pick up his ball from a pond at Ocean Creek Golf Course. The 10-foot gator ripped the man’s arm off in the incident. Animal control officials were able to catch the gator and retrieve the man’s arm. (We’re not sure how they were able to get the arm back from the alligator…perhaps they tickled its belly until it coughed up the limb…we just don’t know. We hope the gator is OK too. But we digress…) Doctors are hopeful they can re-attach the severed limb. Meanwhile, the golfer, who was not identified, gave a statement to the press: “Watch out, that course has a bitchin’ water hazard on the eleventh hole!”

General McChrystal showed up in Congress today, reiterating his plea for more U.S. troops to fight the war in Afghanistan. “If you could just find it in your hearts to dig a little deeper, and give me 10,000 troops…even 5,000…whatever you can spare…would be very helpful to our cause. Pleeeeeeease!”

Pepsi is offering an iPhone app that helps guys score with women. The free app, which  uses certain stereotypes of women to generate pickup lines, has drawn some criticism. However, Pepsi maintains that the app is essential, claiming that anything that will help thousands of World of Warcraft fans get out of their parents’ basements and meet girls can’t be all bad.

North Korea will be firing off a few more short-range missiles from its eastern coast this weekend, telling people they “really ought to stay away from coastal waters in the area for a while…just in case.” While banned from launching ballistic missiles by U.N. resolution, Kim Jong Il, the enigmatic leader of the world’s most reclusive nation pointed out, “it doesn’t say anything about short-range missiles, now does it? Think of it as really big fireworks.”

This week’s edition of NFTS was compiled by Phil, who is constantly looking over his shoulder, thinking something is following him. It’s reasonably like that something (or someone) is indeed following him. And it can’t be good.