Louisiana official refuses to marry biracial couple, sparking a firestorm of controversy. Now the state’s governor and a U.S. senator are calling for the resignation of Keith Bardwell, the white justice of the peace in Tangipahoe Parish who refused to issue the marriage license. Bardwell’s justification: he is “worried about the children’s futures.” Perhaps Bardwell is worried that a kid might grow up to become (gasp!) a golf champion or…President?

NC pastor plans a good ol’ Halloween bible-burning party. Heresy, you say? Not quite. Pastor Marc Grizzard and other members of the Amazing Grace Baptist Church in Canton, North Carolina, believe that the first King James version is the only authoritative translation of the bible, and so the good reverend and his merry flock of halfwits will be stoking the fires with those other versions of the book. In other words, if it doesn’t recite the story of Jesus with the dinosaurs, into the bonfire it goes.

Tea party rally with guns held in Wisconsin. Hundreds of gun-toting people gathered in a park in the tiny hamlet of Hudson, WI, yesterday to carry signs, gripe about everything they think is wrong with the nation, and chat amongst themselves about…guns. Nothing happened at the pro-second amendment protest, there were only a few counter-protesters, no one got hurt or arrested, and nothing was accomplished. Only a few third-string reporters showed up to cover the event (including one of our idiot reporters). In the words of one local tea-bagger, 357 magnum on his hip, “it’s still nice to get outside with my favorite pistol once in a while.”

But the very next day, an angry and intoxicated Hudson, WI man went postal and opened fire on his home, riddling the house with several dozen bullets while four terrified teenagers (including the gunman’s son) hunkered down inside. Fortunately, no one in the house was hurt. After several hours, sheriff deputies ended the standoff by shooting and wounding the gunman. No word yet if these two gun-related events were connected, but in a town that small, what are the odds of mere coincidence?

[Does anyone notice notice a pattern here? Yep, it's all redneck news this week. Whoda thunk? But here ya' have 'em.]

This week’s edition of NFTS was compiled by Norm, who is still trying to get over the epic case of butthurt from having his personal stash of beer raided last night by AITS staffers.