October, 2009 Archive

Letterman enters rehab for sex addiction.

October 5th, 2009 by admin in Uncategorized

sex scandalIn the aftermath of the recent “Tailgate” sex scandal, David Letterman has decided to get help for what appears to be a sex addiction. The 62-year-old Late Night host will be checking in to the Linda Lovelace Institute for Sexual Disorders in El Segundo, California, after completing taping of this week’s shows.

“It seems I have a bit of a problem here,” quipped Letterman. “The girls who hang around here…they’re all so…nice. I can’t help myself.”

“I knew I had a problem when Paul started looking good to me,” added Letterman.

Said one staffer, who requested anonymity: “The guy was boinking practically everything that moved in this place.  Those interns would be lined up outside his office, waiting to get in for some ’special treatment.’ It’s amazing we get any work done at all in these studios.”

According to sources within CBS, Letterman would often approach young staffers, smoothly offering to buy dinner at Rupert Jee’s Hello Deli and then engage in a tryst in the back room “bunker” at the deli. Jee insists he was not aware of the activity going on in his restaurant and has no further comment.

Meanwhile, Letterman’s cardiologist is concerned with the behavior.

“Dave’s gonna vapor-lock if he doesn’t slow down this lifestyle,” said Dr. Lou Arone. “He doesn’t need another heart attack!”

But Letterman is hopeful his therapy will make him a changed man.

“It’s no more monkey-business for me,” added the popular talk show host. “Six weeks at Lovelace and I’ll be as good as new. Guess I won’t be making any more jokes about Bill Clinton or John Edwards. Or Elliot Spitzer. Or Mark Sanford. Oh snap! I’m gonna need some new material!”


Nigerians in row over Sony PS3 advertisement.

October 4th, 2009 by admin in Uncategorized

Officials in Nigeria have expressed shock and outrage over a recent Sony television ad which has been airing in the U.S. The 30-second spot, which spoofs Nigerian Internet scammers, has drawn the ire of high-level officials in the west African nation.

“This is a slap in the face to all the good people of my country,” lamented Ayo Yewande, Nigeria’s Foreign Minister. “We are not a nation of crooks!”

The nation’s image is already reeling from the alien-eating depiction of Nigerians in the recent sci-fi blockbuster ”District 9,” a Sony Pictures release.

“We’re getting a double hit from that damned Sony,” added Yewande. “What did we do to piss them off?”

Nigerians riotMeanwhile, angry mobs of protesters have taken to the streets in Lagos and the capital city of Abuja, smashing windows of shops, looting, and burning piles of PS3s, DVDs and other Sony products.

Nigerian officials have called for calm amid the unrest, stating that efforts are being made to “make things right” with Sony.

“We have demanded that Sony Corporation issue an apology to the people of Nigeria and to stop airing those offensive advertisements,” said Yewande. “In the spirit of reconciliation, if Sony makes good on that, we would like to invite them to share a $125,000,000 estate left by a wealthy Nigerian prince…if they send us their bank account information first.”