D.C.-area sniper executed. John Allen Muhammad, convicted of shooting several people with an assault rifle in 2002, was executed by lethal injection in Virginia. Interestingly, not a single anti-death penalty protester showed up outside the prison. It seems everyone’s pretty much unanimous on this one.

Chemical in plastic found to cause impotence. According to a study just released, bisphenol A (BPA), an ingredient used in the manufacture of plastic bottles, has been determined to cause impotence and other sexual dysfunctions among men. Not surprisingly, the news of the findings caused a sudden plunge in sales of bottled water and soft drinks. “Our sales are going limp,” lamented one soft drink company executive.

Brazil suffers major power blackout. The outage, which affected several major cities, was initially thought to have been the work of hackers. After some investigation, it was determined that the blackout was caused by a chain reaction started when the lead hamster in the country’s government-run power company died after an overdose of saccharin.

This week’s edition of NFTS was compiled by Tina, who leads the Alligators In The Sewer staff in the number of drive-by stalkers and obscene phone calls received. It’s a matter of pride.