Drilling for Scotch in the Antarctic. A team of wildcatters from New Zealand plan to drill for a lost cache of 100-year-old Scotch whisky buried beneath the ice. The stash of Whyte & Mackay single-malt was left there in 1909 by British polar explorer Sir Ernest Shackleton. (Frankly, we could think of a lot of things we’d leave behind before ditching fine Scotch, but that’s beside the point.) If the New Zealand team finds the Scotch, they plan to bring it back to sell on Ebay. Yeah, right. Like a bunch of Kiwis are going to leave THAT stuff untouched…

Minnesota dad teaches Klingon to young son. It was revealed that d’Armond Speers of Minneapolis, spoke only in Klingon during the first 3 years of his son’s life. Speers’ son, now in his teens, shows no adverse effects of the early indoctrination in the Trekkie wharrrgarbl, and speaks normal English just like his peers. Interestingly, no one noticed the Klingon conversations at the time. Said one neighbor: “I just thought the dad was clearing his throat a lot. I suggested Mucinex.”

This week’s edition of NFTS was compiled by Gordy, who has no explanation whatsoever for the strange, green fungal matter growing in the AITS staff refrigerator.