In the wake of the brutal assault on Italy’s Prime Minister by a statue-wielding man, officials there are on the lookout for possible copycats.

According to wire service reports, a mentally disturbed man attacked premier Silvio Berlusconi with a small limestone gargoyle early Sunday, breaking his nose and several teeth. (The premier’s nose and teeth, not the gargoyle’s. Who writes this shit? -Ed.) Berlusconi remains hospitalized while the attacker, 42-year-old Massimo Tartaglia, is now in custody. The gargoyle remains undamaged.

Meanwhile, authorities are grappling with the possibility of a trend. In a country dotted with stone sculpture, police throughout the nation are deeply concerned that others may be inspired to commit similar crimes. Law enforcement officials have gathered intelligence suggesting the likelihood of copycats and are now taking steps thwart the would-be assailants.

“We have responded to this new threat,” said Fernando Bambino, a spokesman for Italy’s Polizia de Stato, the national police. “We now have armed guards and undercover agents posted near cathedrals, museums and plazas. We’re making sure this caper doesn’t happen again. If the Americans can prevent terrorists from blowing up airplanes with shoes or bottles of water, surely we can be just as effective keeping sculpture out of the hands of the wrong people!”

But local authorities are skeptical.

“This is just security theater,” lamented the mayor of a small village on the outskirts of Milan. “Does de Stato really think they can stop every punk who wants to swipe a statue and clobber somebody with it? People here are scared…really scared. This sort of thing will get out of hand!”