Pet pugs devour dead owner’s body. The two dogs survived for two weeks inside their Papillion, NE house by nibbling on the face and torso of the owner’s corpse after he died from a self-inflicted gunshot wound. Apparently, there was no other sustenance on hand for the poor animals. It’s not like they could whip up a plate of spaghetti or something. When discovered by authorities, the dogs were happy to get back on a regular diet of Purina Dog Chow, after the fortnight of eating the guy’s kibbles & bits. And the lesson to take away from this story: always keep plenty of food in your pet’s bowl. Because…you just never know.

Tiny island nation recognizes breakaway republics. In what can best be described as an expression of diplomatic wharrgarbl, the South Pacific island nation of Nauru is officially recognizing the sovereignty of Abkhazia and South Ossetia - in return for 50 mil in humanitarian aid from Russia. Nauru, once known as “Phosphate Island” due to its former export of bird droppings, now has no industry and is unable to stay afloat (pun intended) financially, becoming dependent on aid from other nations.

This week’s edition of NFTS was compiled by Gordy, who has big dreams of moving to the island nation of Nauru, just as soon as he cashes in all the aluminum cans he’s been gleaning from area dumpsters the past 3 years.