Md. lawmaker pushes for ban on first-cousin marriages. In an apparent effort to deepen that state’s gene pool, representative Henry Heller has drafted legislation that would add Maryland to the 24 other states that outlaw marriages between first cousins. In a statement to the press Heller said he wants to bring Maryland “into the enlightened world of other states such as West Virginia and Arkansas” that already have similar bans in place. (They have a sense of humor in Maryland.) Our question in all this: how many 12-toed mutants are running amok in those other 26 states?

La. woman swaps kids for cockatoo and $175 cash. The mother, 52-year-old Donna Louise Greenwell, of Ville Platte, Louisiana, decided that an exotic bird would be less noisy and much easier to clean up after than her two grade school children. Greenwell made the trade with a childless couple, stating “this is a good deal….it’s amazing what you can find on Craigslist” Both parties are quite pleased with their bargains and appear happy. The Internet…what can’t it do?

This week’s edition of NFTS was compiled by Phil, who managed to get his car stuck in a snowdrift last week while stalking a former girlfriend in Ohio. Luckily he has AAA and was able to get pulled out before authorities arrived.