Microsoft has released the first Service Pack for its Windows 7 operating system today, with a whole slew of patches, bug fixes and new functionality. In addition to the fixes, Win7 SP1 also offers a few useful tools, including better file management and indexing, improved memory allocation and more secure wireless networking capabilities. Due to popular demand, MS has even added new and improved versions of the Clippy and Search Doggie helper tools to assist with online searching and other tasks.

The Service Pack will automatically upgrade all users with genuine Windows 7 operating systems, and is available in a convenient 34.8 gigabyte download. Win7 users will receive the auto-download the next time they connect to the Internet. Microsoft recommends users backup all their files, close all programs, set a system restore point and take a nice long lunch break while their PCs download and configure the update. In fact, why not take the whole afternoon off? You deserve it!

Microsoft will also auto-install its first “Ad-Pack,” a bundle of useful advertising messages, on machines with previous versions of Windows. This will affect PCs with Win98, Millennium Edition (if any of those really exist anymore), WinXP, and the ill-fated Vista. Ad-Pack will launch a series of helpful popups prompting users to upgrade to Windows 7 and Office 2010, along with other great promotions. Discounts on the new software will be offered if users act immediately.

Said one Microsoft marketing exec: “we’re here for all of our customers.”