Some people fight over the smallest things. Literally.
Two male TSA security screeners at Miami International Airport went to fisticuffs today after one of the men walked through the new nude body scanner and the other made fun of the man’s small penis. The ensuing fight prompted several ticket-holders to join in, resulting in mass chaos at the terminal. 
After several minutes, the melee was broken up by fellow TSA officers and a few nearby luggage-handlers who quickly arrived at the scene.
The small-penis man, Rolando Negrin, (aka “PeeWee Negron”), 44, was charged with aggravated assault after police confirmed that he did indeed have a small penis. Negrin was picked out in a lineup by several of his fellow TSA workers, after authorities ordered him to drop trou.
“Yep, that’s needledick!,” shouted one unidentified female TSA screener, who giggled uncontrollably as she walked into the TSA interrogation room. “Everybody knows Rolando around here. We all have lots of yuks in the employee locker room.”
The airport was shut down for over three hours while federal agents secured the perimeter and searched Negrin’s Hummer H2 parked in the ramp.
A Miami-Dade sheriff deputy involved in the case told the press, “We have identified the suspicious package and now have everything under control. This junk is nothing to get excited about.”
The unnamed coworker involved in the scuffle was interviewed by police and released. He gave no formal statement, but remarked, “Rolando ought to know better than to walk into one of those machines without taking his little blue pill.”
Meanwhile, Lauren Stover, Assistant Director of Operations at Miami International, issued a press statement, praising the quick actions of airport staff, adding that she is pleased to see that the new security scanners are able to detect such small, hidden objects.
“Our full-nude body-scanners use the latest in high-tech millimeter-wave technology…the level of detail is fantastic!,” boasted Stover. “This has been a great test of our capabilities. If these machines can spot Rolando’s little bitty pee-pee, they can find anything!”
