NASA discovers more water on moon. After recalculating data taken from Apollo moon rocks, scientists have determined that there is 100 times as much water on the moon as originally thought. The new finding came after an engineer involved in the original analysis 40 years ago re-checked his math, discovering a decimal point 2 places off. Astrophysicists are elated over the news of more lunar water.  It’s just a matter of time before some jackass finds a way to pollute it.

Massive Spaghetti-Os recall…uh oh! The Campbell’s Soup Company has recalled numerous lots of its Spaghetti-Os with meatballs, after it was discovered that someone forgot to cook said meatballs. The recall affects over 15 million pounds of the tasty canned treat (comprising about 8 pounds of meatballs). It is believed that a malfunctioning cooker is the culprit. A worker at the Paris, Texas plant loaded another 10-pound brick of ground beef into the machine, cranked up the heat and they’re back in business.

UK transplant patient dies after receiving lung from smoker. Lindsey Scott, 28, received the donor lungs in February, not aware that they came from a 30-year smoker. Lindsey died shortly after the operation, while British doctors defended the choice, stating that they need “all the lungs they can get their bloody hands on.” Never mind the fact that the donor had smoked 2 packs a day for 2 years longer than the recipient had been alive. The people who oversee Britain’s organ donor system are apparently held to the same standard of care as the ones who look after the country’s dental profession.

This week’s edition of NFTS was compiled by Norm, who once received an anus transplant, but had to give it back because everybody already knows what a major asshole he is.