May, 2011 Archive
May 13th, 2011 by admin in Uncategorized
With the latest news reports touting the discovery of pornographic material - lots of it - on Osama bin Laden’s computer, we at Alligators In The Sewer just couldn’t resist the temptation to pounce on the story.
It seems the dead wanker terrorist’s computer has become a treasure-trove of goodies, with new discoveries being turned up every day. What will they come up with next! Through anonymous sources we have received a partial list of some of the things Osama bin Fapping to:
9. “Fatwa Fatties”
8. “Debbie Does Dijbouti”
7. “Deep Goat”
6. “Cameltoe Fetishes”
4. “Burkakke 4: Glazing The Drape”
3. “Tehran Her A New One”
2. “Turban Cowboys”
1. “Jihad Me At Hello”
May 12th, 2011 by admin in Uncategorized
Shoot Osama bin Laden from the comfort and relative safety of your mom’s basement. Be a hero.
May 7th, 2011 by admin in Uncategorized
In case you hadn’t noticed, we have ended the long “sabbatical” from publishing our annoying and useless material on Alligators In The Sewer. Which means there are now a few brand new posts of annoying and useless material for your late-night reading. Our contribution from the past couple weeks. Like an antibiotic-resistant strain of jock itch, the entire cast of idiots has returned to AITS. Mainly because none of us managed to find gainful employment anywhere else during our seven-month hiatus. We all really need the money, so here we are, like it or not.
Now if we can keep the collection agencies and student loan people from finding us…
The whole AITS fambly made it back to HQ: Norm, Tina, Gordy, Maynard, Phil Usher, Weather Dog, Bug the Cat…plus occasional visits by Erik the Creepy IT Guy. Even Nigel, AITS legal counsel, made a brief appearance yesterday. He checked the fridge, noticed there was no beer, then pissed on the floor and left. Yep, we’re back to normal.
There’s just one nagging little problem. Our beloved headquarters is slated for demolition. The city needs the land to build a storage shed for its fleet of dump trucks, and local priorities being what they are, we will be getting the boot in a couple of weeks. Norm is busy looking at equally shitty, run-down properties around our ghetto neighborhood, so once we find a suitable (and cheap) place to rent the transition should be rather seamless.
May 3rd, 2011 by admin in Uncategorized
Just days after the brilliantly executed Seal Team raid on Osama bin Laden’s summer digs in Abbottabad, Pakistan, CIA analysts have begun the tedious process of examining the hard drives taken from the dead terrorist leader’s compound. Here are highlights of what computer forensics have turned up so far on bin Laden’s computer:
10. Gigabytes and gigabytes of camel porn. (Go ahead: click the link. You know you want to.)
9. Toby Keith mp3 downloads.
8. Two infidels, one cup.
7. An active Friendster account. (He’s been off the grid a long, LOOOONG time!)
6. Overdue Netflix discs of season 1 “Sex And The City.”
5. AOL greeting announcing “You’ve got visitors!”
4. RIAA subpoena for illegal Toby Keith downloads.
3. Microsoft Flight Simulator X.
2. Skype account for late night prank calling Julian Assange.
1. His brains.
May 1st, 2011 by admin in Uncategorized
An almost perfectly-aimed NATO missile launched at Muammar Gaddafi’s headquarters in Tripoli yesterday barely missed the embattled Libyan dictator, but not without killing one of his sons and three grandchildren. The ensuing detonation also leveled a large portion of Gadhafi’s palace compound, reducing it to a pile of rubble.
Gaddafi, (right - seen a recent picnic), is becoming increasingly worried about his possible fate.
“I’m down five so far!,” exclaimed the embattled Libyan despot, referring to the recent casualties, plus the step child he lost in a 1987 U.S. attack.
Although the dictator still has seven children and numerous grandchildren remaining, he is deeply concerned that his supply - and his luck - will eventually run out.
“Who will be there to draw fire on my behalf when all my kids are gone?,” lamented Gaddafi from an undisclosed bunker on the outskirts of the city. “People just don’t want to volunteer to be decoys anymore. There’s no sense of civic responsibility today.”