Quick on the heels of the most recent sand storm–lately referred to as a haboob–citizens of the Phoenix, Arizona area are drawing attention to what some believe is the surreptitious addition of a foreign word to the English language.

Just days after the dust settled (literally), a new storm was brewing–in the form of protests. Angry residents formed picket lines outside the local offices of the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration, demanding that the agency go back to using the term “sand storm.”

Over 150 protesters turned out in the 100-plus degree midday heat yesterday to call attention to what they claim is an “erosion of our language.” Many were carrying signs and placards, with captions like “we don’t like funy words.” (sic) Others just showed up in front of NOAA’s headquarters to voice their outrage over what they say is a confusing and alien-sounding word with no place in the American vocabulary.

“Why do we need some Arab word to describe something that is pure Arizona?,” shouted a man through a bullhorn. “We like our dust devils just fine the way they are!”

“I don’t want my children learning some word that has “boob” in it,” said a large, 30-ish woman on a scooter, holding a sign. “It’s un-American!”

Within minutes, the lively crowd erupted into a chant: “Read our lips, no new words!  Read our lips, no new words!…”

Several drivers honked as they drove by the noisy group. Others just stared out the windows with bewildered looks on their faces.

According to Phoenix police, the demonstrators went about their protest rather peacefully, with no arrests made. The assembly lasted just over an hour, long enough for the people to realize it wasn’t such a great idea to stand out there in the scorching sun. One by one, they gradually shuffled over to a nearby bar for drinks.

Meanwhile, a counter-demonstration of a half dozen English teachers had assembled across the street, in support of the new word and protesting the protesters’ apparent inability to spell or form a coherent statement.

Residents of Phoenix, Arizona were treated to yet another massive sand storm recently, the second in less than a month.  And, as with the previous storm, most of the region’s four million inhabitants were completely unprepared, due to few realizing that the new word used to describe the event–haboob–means sand storm. As such, it was no surprise that the local media’s haboob blitzkrieg failed to alert the populace. Most went about their daily business, blissfully ignorant of the impending disaster.

“I heard the morning zoo guys on the radio yapping about this haboob thing coming to town,” said local bank teller Emily Wartzenhofer, stuck in traffic on a Scottsdale freeway. “I just thought it was some new Cirque du Soleil show.”

Like millions of others, Wartzenhofer was completely oblivious to the incoming blizzard of sand and dirt that would sweep through the entire metro area like a 110-degree sand blaster.

Haboob, a word used for centuries by Bedouin tribesmen, translates roughly to “it chaps the camel’s ass.” The word has recently become a favorite buzzword among the area’s media elite. However, haboob has yet to catch on with those outside the broadcasting industry. The term is absent from any standard English-language dictionary, though there is an obscure Wikipedia page devoted to it.

“Why can’t they just call the damn things what they are–sand storms,” lamented a long-time Phoenix resident. “We don’t need some new-fangled foreign word for this thing. My daddy lived through the dust-bowl thirties. They didn’t call them haboobs or hobknobs or kabobs or whatever, either.”

Many are angry over this lack of effective communication from weather forecasters.

“Dammit, I’ve got four inches of grit and grime on my rooftop and dunes in my yard!,” shouted an irate north Phoenix man. “Haboob my ass…it’s farkin’ sand!”

Meanwhile in southern California, weather forecasters are reconsidering their plans to rename the Santa Ana winds sarsarun, which basically translates to “searing flatulence from a goat.”

Ousted and busted News International CEO Rebekah Brooks.  Mask character “Rocky” Dennis.

The economy has been in the tank for three years and the floundering U.S. auto industry has been on government-provided life-support for almost as long. Yet you’d never know it by looking at some of the perks enjoyed by assembly-line workers at Chrysler’s Jefferson North Plant in Detroit, and its Trenton Engine Plant in Trenton, Mich.

The latest creature comfort enjoyed by the Michigan auto workers: paid 90-minute lunch breaks where UAW employees can enjoy free, employer-provided beer and brats on company grounds. The workers are even allowed to light up marijuana (something not provided by Chrysler–at least not in their current contract).

“I know it looks kind of hinky,” admitted an unnamed Chrysler spokesman.  “But dammit, we’ve tried just about everything under the sun to get these guys motivated. Letting them blow off a little steam–and some reefer–over lunchtime has really brought up morale around here. I’m OK with that.”

Every weekday from 11:30 until 1:00, the company parking lots are filled to capacity with boozy, stoned autoworkers.  They drink, they smoke, they carry on and have a great time. And surprisingly, brawls are rare. The much-needed break seems to work quite well for the thousands of unionized workers. As long as the employees do it outside the factory walls, pretty much anything goes–with the company’s full blessing.

When one group of giddy workers was asked by a reporter if the alcohol and pot-laced lunchtime activities created dangers back inside the plant, a shop foreman dropped his beer and quipped, “Don’t you know?–Hell, the robots do all the work!  These boys just stand on the line and watch ‘em roll through. Ya’ can’t get hurt doing that, unless you fall down on your face, and that’s been known to happen a time or two!” When pressed on whether it has had an adverse effect on the company’s product, he added, “We’re the third place automaker in a town no longer known for building quality.  It’s not like these cars and trucks could get any shittier!”